Nobody has a chance now

I really crack myself up sometimes:

Aussie Millions Win

Prest-NO!!!! What would you do?

This one is for dear old Fuel55.

Playing the MATH I decided to take the novel approach of playing a lot of small pots early on. I got moved to a new table and I am a little above average stack and this is the first level. I am in LP and get dealt a monster (55) in position and get a raise and a call in front.

WWYD #1: Should I flat call to set mine, raise to squeeze one of the players out or fold like a little girl?

I call and we see the AT5 rainbow flop 3 handed. The pot is about 140x3+blinds=480. EP, the original raiser, bets out 360 and caller calls. So they obviously caught a piece of this. Two pair? Big ace? Some draw? With a flop like this every straight draw is possible.

WWYD #2: Do you just call and see what happens on the turn? Do you raise to try to isolate one of the players or even get them to fold? How much would you raise? Do you fold like a little girl?

I can't put anyone on pocket aces at this point, but I am worried that one of the players is slow playing a set of tens. I decided to raise 1340 to see where I am at. Only EP raiser calls and MP folds. This is not good.
Turn is a 2h, the second heart on the board. This is not really a good card because it completes a wheel straight and in case someone was playing a strong suited heart Ace they are drawing to the nut flush. EP raiser checks again. I have 2k left.

WWYD #3: Do I check behind and wait for a scare card which could scare me as well? Do I give up on the hand at this point? Do I go ahead and bet? How much? All-in?

I am still worried about pocket tens by at a 220-to-1 to flop set over set I a can't really put that into the calculation. I need to protect my hand and price out any draws. I don't think someone with 34, even suited, would stick around with all the previous action. I decided that I am up against a big suite heart Ace and move all-in for 2K. I have my opponent covered and he calls:



Yep, good 'ole set over set on the flop. Thanks FTP RNG. You are really a good friend. Wes played it great. Especially leading out on the flop, but I think I make that same move if I have two players behind me on a board like that one. Someone must have caught something.

Out in 76/82 in the MATH. TOC will just have to wait for a better opportunity.

UPDATE: I think I posted this before, but here is a great link to Brian Alspach's article on the odds of set over set on the flop.

Jordan out in 6th

First hand after the dinner break, UTG raises and Jordan jams on him with AT. It's a very good move there for two reasons:

1) UTG said that he usually plays the first hand after the break so he could have ATC and he has been very active so far with lots of junk.
2) UTG has to fold anything that is not AA, KK or AK because they are very close in chips.

Unfortunately he has AK and calls OUT OF TURN while the BB is in the tank. King on the flop, and Drawing Dead Jordan is actually drawing very slim to running tens. One shows up on the turn, but not on the river and Jordan is out in 6th.

He can be very proud of himself for making it this far and taking 6 out of 428.

Awesome Job Dude! Now go have some fun!

Talked to Jordan

Finally got to talk live with THE MAN himself. Wished him luck and patience. Cards should be in the air at midnight EST (US) and there is pretty much no chance that I get to follow the action overnight. I guess I will just have to be pleasantly surprised when I wake up tomorrow morning.

So one more time - Good Luck JL514. Do it for all of us grinders/bloggers/dreamers out there. And don't forget to enjoy the rest of the ride, no matter how it ends.

How to Bust Ass at 35K Feet

It’s a delicate situation. You’re surrounded by strangers. Sometimes work colleagues. Perhaps your family and loved ones. The pressurized cabin air is wreaking havoc with you digestive system. You feel that rumble in the jungle and you feel the pressure mounting. So what do you do? How do you do it? How do you get away with it?

Let me try to clear the air (pun, you get it). Let’s break down the rules first then move to the techniques.

Rules:

1. If you’re sitting next to family that you care about (kid, wife, mother, etc.) you have two options: Either hold it (see below, the “Save it for later” technique) or get up, walk away and bust ass someplace else.
2. If you’re sitting next to a friend, you have to assess the relationship right then and there:
1. If it’s a good friend with lots of ass busting history, you do it right there and brag.
2. If it’s a girlfriend or boyfriend who’s into this sort of thing, just let it rip and smile.
3. If this is a new relationship and you are not sure how this will go over, it’s decision time. Do you want to take this to the next level or do you want to invoke rule number 1?
3. Work colleagues fall under rule 2 and there isn’t much difference in technique.
4. The best part comes when you’re next to total strangers. This is where creativity comes into play and let’s just say that with strangers, busting ass is sometimes the best part of the entire trip.

Techniques:

1. The “Bust while you walk”: This is pretty much self explanatory. You get up, walk down the aisle and alternate cheeks as you step. Simple technique that can be mastered in other environments prior to actually boarding a plane. This is also a great way to spread the wealth and confuse the whole plane as to where the smell is coming from.
2. The “Save it for later”: This one takes some practice but can be perfected quite quickly. When you feel like you are about to bust ass just squeeze those strong Kegel muscles and suck the gas back in. What happens now is that there are several pockets of gas that are starting to form sort of a chain. When you reach critical mass (or critical gas) you can use one of the other techniques to really do some damage.
3. The “Straight into the seat”: This is usually reserved for beginners who don’t have the other methods in their arsenal just yet. They usually look extremely guilty, like someone who just crapped his pants. And maybe they have. It could be a shart (more on that later). There are also environmental variables to take into account here. Don’t try this on leather seats like they have on the refurbished and new planes. You’re just asking for trouble there. The noise alone will single you out (it could be louder than the sound of a jet engine or two) and that’s not the point of this whole exercise. The other problem with leather seats is that the heat generated, especially if you have been “saving for later” will cause you rear area to sweat and cause a wet spot. Fabric seats are much better.
4. The “Lift and release”: This is fairly simple to pull off. You don’t want to be too obvious, of course, but you do want to seem as though you have just levitated an inch or so and no one will be the wiser. You can use the arm rests and with some upper body strength pull yourself slightly up in your seat. You can lock your legs into the bottom of the seat in front of you and using your abdominal muscles straighten out your body and get the necessary lift. Sometimes, if you have been “saving for later” for a long enough time, you might actually levitate without having to use any muscles other than the sphincter itself. That is bust ass nirvana and is a very hard technique to master, but I have seen it done.
5. The “Shift in your seat”: Pretty self explanatory, this one. Lift one cheek and go. Or you could perform a “sleep roll” and as you are adjusting in your new position bust away. This one is great because you just seem to be uncomfortable in your sleeping position and completely camouflage your actions.
6. The “Blame the kid”: This one admittedly is a little below the belt. If you are lucky enough to have a child or baby next to you and notice that after a gas release people are sniffing or complaining (sometimes you will see tears unrelated to the movie being shown), you can “blame the kid” and even chastise the parents. You can say things like “if you don’t change that diaper, I will” or “what the hell do you feed this kid” while scrunching your nose and waving your hand in front of your face. Be creative. My uncle used to say that kids are like farts, you only like your own.

Sometimes, it’s a lot of fun to see the reactions of people around you. You can always join in the investigation and play a role in pointing out an unsuspecting soul. You need to keep your finger on the pulse of the situation and play along if you have to.

In many cases busting ass at cruising altitude results in odorless gas, which is fine. But sometimes, they’ll serve some ass busting foods like pasta or a bean salad and that’s where you can really leave an impression on your fellow passengers. This will sometimes create some panic in the cabin, but remember, you are in complete control of the situation and don’t freak out when the barf bags are being drawn.

If you are found to be the guilty party, never, ever accept the guilt. You can continue to use plausible deniability or other deflection methods. It was never you and how can they even suggest it. Vile, smelly people. And of course, you can always resort to the old “He/She who smelt it, dealt it” mantra which works perfectly almost every time.

One thing you can’t usually get away from is the dreaded shart. If I have to spell it out for you, I will use the words of Philip Seymour Hoffman playing Sandy Lyle in “Along Came Polly”: “I tried to fart and a little shit came out. I just sharted”. There. I’ve said it. Cat’s out of the bag. The problem with the shart is that it is no longer just a momentary scent that gets routed into the ventilation system. It is a pretty permanent nasal assault and you will not be able to blame someone else for it. The only way to avoid detection at this point is to create some sort of diversion, grab another set of underwear from your carry on and quickly make your way to the lavatory where you can change and throw away the evidence down the trash chute. Please, don’t wear light colored clothing if you are trying any of these techniques.

Well, now armed with all this new knowledge, everyone has something to practice on their next flight. You can thank me later.

Holy Moses

Jordan was as low as 90K but then managed to double up about 4 times and was stacked at 1.8M at one point and was the chip leader until the 9th player was eliminated. He is now on a break before the game resumes tomorrow and he is sitting on the 2nd biggest chip stack!

Follow the updates from Pauly and Change100 over on PokerNews.

Final 8 are at the final table and final 6 will be on TV.

Go wish Jordan some bloggery good luck everyone. Although he really doesn't need it, cause he is doing just fine out there.

Good Luck Jordan - Bring back the Cup!

Jordan Down Under

I can't sit on this any longer. Some of you know I won a seat to the PokerNew Cup Main Event through a Duplicate Poker freeroll a couple of months ago.

I almost made it to the event but eventually a last minute trip to Europe made it all but impossible for me to make it to Oz in time for the tourney. I knew it would be quite a stretch so I started planning ahead and got in touch with Drawing Dead Jordan who's studying abroad for a semester in Melbourne. We were not sure until the last moment that he could take my place but eventually everyone at PokerNews and Duplicate Poker came through and Jordan was all set.

So for the last few days I have been living vicariously a life of a young 21 year old stud through the internets. He's been staying at the Crown Casino in a beautiful room, going to all the events, eating, drinking and having a great time.

And oh, he's in the money. WOOOOOOT !!!!!

428 players started and currently there are 30 left and he's still in it.

So head on over to Jordan's blog and PokerNews to check out his progress and give him some encouragement. Top spot pays 300K so this could be a true Cinderella story. He will need all the blogger mojo available to make it to the top!

Special thanks to the good Dr Pauly who linked us to the right people at PokerNews and has been keeping an eye on the kid since day 2 started.

Here's Jordan at the TV table:



Updates:

#1 Looks like Jordan lost a bunch of chips in two big hands. He is down to about 6BB and just under 100K in chips. But he's made it to the top 24 (final three tables) and the 10K payout.

#2 Double up with AA vs AQ !!! He's back in a safer zone with about 200K now.

#3 Another double up! AQ vs 99 hits an Ace on the flop. Up to 300K now. 18 players left.

#4 600K - AK vs AJ all-in pre-flop. They are now hand for hand for the final two tables.

Come chase me Chasers (7/883 & 20/348)

I was going to take a nap before the Riverchasers but got deep in a couple of tournaments again. Made another final table and took 7th of 883 runners. I came in5th place and kept reminding myself to be patient but then made a dumb move and ran into the nuts. RNG was in fine form again and was handing out monsters on every hand. I should have just waited for a better spot. Still, a $300 score for my $10 buy-in:



I also made it deep in one of the insane $3 turbos on FTP. Big stack min raised on the button like he had been doing forever and I called from the BB. I was going to shove no matter what came out and he made an awful call on the flop and as usual, hit his card to knock me out:




I am going to make a prediction. I am taking down the Riverchasers or losing to a bad call and a 2 or 3 outer.

Bavaria

Arrived in Bavaria this morning after another sleepless night. I am so exhausted but the jet lag is still kicking my ass and on top of that I have been running good and going deep which keeps me up till morning. I think I've had a total of 3 hours of sleep in the last couple of nights.

My colleague lives here and had her Bavaria Motor Works car parked at the airport. It's an older model 525 Diesel. Before we even left the parking lot she managed to miss the exit and drive around against traffic while yelling and cussing everyone out even though it was her own fault. I tightened my seatbelt for the first time.

We finally made out way out and were on the Autobahn in a few minutes. We reached 160Kmh (100Mph) pretty quickly and I figured this would be our cruising speed. But she put the pedal to the metal and we were actually cruising along at around 220Kmh (around 140Mph). Once in a while some slow poke would creep into our left lane and she would unleash a tirade of German niceties at him. Very comforting.

She booked me into a hotel on the outskirts of her village and it is quite cozy. Nice Bavarian solid wood furniture and a big bathroom with the largest sink I have ever seen.

She's picking me up in a few minutes and we're heading to dinner with her husband. I've been promised some local fare, dumplings, sausage and of course, beer. Report to follow.

Oh, I will be playing the Riverchasers tonight although I have another flight tomorrow early morning. We'll see how it goes. I also sent KOD $20 to enter the last longer for tonight. Should be fun to take the both down!

UPDATE: What a delicious dinner! This little village is very nice and we walked to the restaurant on narrow cobblestone streets. It's located inside an old post office that has been around for about 400 years. I had no idea what to get and asked for some recommendations. I ended up with some pumpkin soup, veal cheeks with potatoes au gratin and grilled vegetables, sweet plum dumplings and lots of Beer. Yummy, yummy beer brewed right here in Munchen.

First beer was a strong Lager. Then came a big WeisBier. Then to end it all, a smooth Pilsner. All made by the fine folks at Paulaner. Thank you Bavaria. Tomorrow we take Bonn on.

Cash, Cash, Cash (2/353 & 44/4997)

I played a few afternoon tourney since I am 7 hours ahead and have nothing to do and a massive case of jetlag. I decided to jump into a 15K guarantee ($50 buy-in) and chipped up nicely. Then I played KK so badly and let my opponent catch his 2 outer on the river and paid him off. I had to stand up off my chair and kick my own ass. Mini-tilt ensued and I was already thinking this is going to be a disastrous night. But I regrouped and started playing really well. I was still suffering some awful 2 outer suckouts.

So I cashed in 4 of 5 of the tourneys I played. All but the 15K. They were small buy-ins because I don't have enough to blow on $50 tourneys. The first was an $8+.80 on PS with 1098 runners and I busted in 112th. Double-up, not bad. Then I played the donkalicious $.10 with $50 added on PS with 4997 runners and busted in 44th. Top 1 percent. I like it. Then I cashed in 2nd place in a $10 on FTP with 353 runners. I have a bunch of screenshots but what it comes down to is that my HU opponent was catching AA, KK, AK or AQ every other hand and his opponent were all dominated and eliminated. When we got to HU he had 400K to my 100K with pretty big blinds and not a lot of maneuvering room. I even offered a chop :-)



One really funny thing that happened was that I started announcing to the table that they can only beat me with a two outer. The first time I did it with Aces and some idiot called with AQ and flopped two pair to find himself drawing dead to two running Queens, which thankfully didn't come.
So at some point I was getting real short and guy to my right raises big UTG and I find AQs and jam. CO thinks and thinks, so once again I tell the table to get ready to see a 2 outer. Eventually they both fold and CO says he folded AK.

So once again I am second in an MTT. I can't complain, though as I had some suckouts of my own. And a $564 payout is pretty sweet.

More Turkish Delight

I forgot to mention that I went to lunch at a place called "Go Mongo". Nuff said. If you look closely you can find the link to join the "Mongo Club". Move along, now. Not nice to stare.

So obviously the Taksi driver who's taking us to dinner has no clue where to go and starts muttering the infamous Trafik Pro'blem before we even sit down. The Concierge said it's a great restaurant and is about 20 minutes away. 45 minutes later and 12 pitstops we're there. It looks very promising because there are a bunch of Maseratis and Benzes parked outside. It's right on the water and called "park Fora". As we walk through the doors we see a huge display of fish and other sea food. You can actually just show up and buy these by the kilo. The prawns are the size of my head. Those of you who know me know that's one big prawn. See, my head is pretty big.

So we ask for a table and get seated in the far corner near the kitchen. Not no, but hell no, I say and we get moved to the front near the window overlooking the Bosporus. We are close to "The Bridge" and once again can see the light show all through dinner. The wait staff is terrific and while they don't speak much English we manage to break the language barrier because they show up with a huge platter of appetizers and we select a few. Some chile spread, eggplant salad and crawfish with tomatoes. Yum.
We order the Big Ass Sea Bass (I think I need to trademark that, quick) and it is just scrumptious. We finish with some Fried Calamari and are ready for dessert. Turkish coffee and baklava. Double Yum.

So we leave and I joke around saying that the Taksi ride back is going to take 10 minutes. The joke is on me because we make it in 8! The driver is a young guy who thanked us for riding his Race Taksi. He was also the first driver that had non-Turkish music playing. We actually got some "What is Love (baby don't hurt me)" by Haddaway and a weird remix of "Standing in Line to See the Show Tonight" by the Chili Peppers. We only have time to hear two tracks because we're already at the hotel. 45 minutes to get there, 8 minutes back. Sheesh!

Next Up: Munich Countryside Hotel.

Travel Scorecard

This week I have 5 flights in as many days. I am going to visit 4 different European cities and meet a bunch of customers. I usually love to travel but this is just plain crazy (or plane crazy).

So let's light this candle:

Kaja:0 - Turkish Language:1



I love the fact that Blogger morphs into whatever language is spoken in the country you are in. It makes absolutely no sense that after you've logged in you get a Turkish menu. Luckily I found the language drop down menu and switched back to English. But this serves a great purpose - check out this funky language. It has as many vowels as it does consonants. It's basically the exercise that Prof. Higgins makes My Fair Lady do by sticking a bunch of marbles in her mouth. And although the people I am meeting with speak perfect English, it seems as though nobody else does. Especially the Taksi drivers.

Kaja:0 - Turkish TV:1

I wasn't expecting much, but I am pretty much stuck watching CNN and that damned fire. It's awful what's happening to SoCal. I hope all the people I know (and don't know) are staying safe. I am on serious Fire Tilt right now. How can such an amazing place, with some of the best weather on the planet suffer earthquakes, floods, fires, etc? All they need is some hail and locust and they can claim biblical status. Fuck!

Kaja:1 - Taksi:5

The only thing Taksi drivers can say in English is Trafik Pro'blem. Yes, Istanbul has 15M people in it and about 45M cars. And Taksis. And buses. And trucks. Which all make for a wonderful congestion known as Trafik Pro'blem. First Taksi took infinity+1 minutes to find my hotel. That included asking about 1,523 other Taksi drivers where to go and muttering Trafik Pro'blem over and over again. Doesn't help that the hotel is brand new.

Then this morning we were supposed to have a car ready, but he never showed up. 0-for-2 and it's not looking good. We stop a Taksi on the street and jump in. We show the driver the address and he says Trafik Pro'blem and starts yelling in Turkish. Everything sounds like yelling in Turkish so I am not impressed. We call the bell hop over and he explains that this guy doesn't want to go over "The Bridge", which is a big ass bridge over the Bosporus Straits that connects Europe and Asia. Well, shit. How am I going to start a small land war in Asia if the Taksi won't take me there? He promptly kicks us out of the Taksi. 0-for-3.

We stop another Taksi and get in before telling him he has to go across "The Bridge". He does not seem happy but takes off anyway. We call the customer and put her on the phone with the driver who yells at her for about two minutes before stopping another Taksi, giving the driver the phone and motioning for us to get the fuck out of his Taksi. 0-for-4.

We reluctantly switch Taksis again and this one seems like he will actually go the distance and take us across "The Bridge". It's a pretty awesome fucking bridge I have to admit. Kind of like the GW Bridge when you enter Manhattan from Jersey. We make it to our meeting in time, but I am already dreading the trip back.

Obviously the people who live on the Asian side have no fucking clue what goes on in Europe. Because the Taksi driver who takes us back just parks in the middle of the city and tries to get us out of the Taksi. "Dude", I tell him, "I weigh about three times as much as you and even though you don't have any idea what I am talking about, if I get out of this Taksi here, it is only so I can drag you carcass into the middle of the plaza and sit on your tiny head. Find my fucking hotel or say goodbye to your life as you know it". Luckily for me, this driver is a weak-tight type and can't even muster the courage to ask other drivers for directions. Eventually, I see a tiny street sign and realize we are just up the street from the hotel, so we hop out and walk the rest of the way. 0-for-5.

How do I even score a single point against the Taksi drivers? After dinner last night it took about 1.4 minutes to find the hotel. It took about 23 minutes to find the restaurant. Trafik Pro'blem.

Kaja:2 - The Sofa Hotel:1 (nice try)

I actually lucked out on this one. Although it's a new boutique hotel and hard to find, it is gorgeous! The rooms have wood floors, beautiful bathrooms with strong showers, plush bathrobes, comfortable beds, broadband Internet and a flat screen TV. Score 1 for Kaja.
A bit of a backstory here. Last time I traveled to the UK with this sales person she booked us into a hotel near Paddington Station which turned out was under renovation and had no rooms available. We ended up having to take another hotel in the burbs and a not-so-fun experience overall. If you really want to know, read more here: Europe Sucks!
So we're checking in, there's some funky new wave music playing in the lobby, the receptionist is pretty and helpful and everything seems to be going well. All of a sudden, the manager comes out and is all smiles, welcoming us to Istanbul and his lovely hotel. Then he drops the bomb, he needs a favor. We can stay at the hotel for the first night, but he is asking for our help because for the second night he has a maintenance problem that requires fixing the ceilings of several rooms (there are only 82) and he is overbooked. He is willing to put us up at another hotel (sounds familiar), pay for Taksis, breakfast, dinner and drinks. Pretty please can we help him out. Obviously we are giggling like little girls right in his face because this is just TOO FUCKING FUNNY!!! We're 1-and-1 so far.
He's not kicking us out (his words), he just needs our help. We say we'll think about it over drinks at the bar after we check in and get situated. but we go up to the rooms and see how nice they are and no fucking way are we going somewhere else for the second night. We meet for drinks before dinner and he comes to check on our decision where we inform him that his hotel is just too pretty for us to leave. We than him for the free Orange Mojitos. 2-and-1, booya!

Kaja:1 - Vogue Restaurant:0

We went out to dinner with the customer last night and all I can say is wow. This place was at the top of an office building overlooking the Bosporus Straits, "The Bridge" and the entire city. It was an amazing view and terrific food. "The Bridge" is lit up with colored lights that flash and blinks and do all kinds of wavy looking effects.
The food was delicious. I had the Crab Cake with Mushrooms starter which could have been a little better and more flavorful. For my main dish I chose the Miso Black Cod with Sweet Potatoes and Pickled Miniature Vegetables. It might be the best fish I have ever eaten. All that and some good wine and I claim victory on this one.

Kaja:1 - Delta:5

I only scored one point here because my Platinum SkyMiles status got me and upgrade on my flight to Frankfurt. 1-and-0 suckahs!
But this is an old 767 with new seats. And for some reason when the guy in front of me went to sleep mode with his seat it reclined all the way down on my feet. Not very comfortable I must admit. I really could not find a good angle and when I finally fell asleep I woke up feeling as though the flight attendant hit my knee with a sledgehammer. I think I audibly shrieked in pain as I stood up. 1-and-1.
So how do I lose to 5 points here? What else could go wrong when you're sitting in first class on a transatlantic trip? How about the tray decided to pop in the middle of dinner and your full wine glass goes flying all over the place. Nice. 1-and-2.
How about the plane pushes back and sits on the Hartsfield tarmac for 2 hours? 1-and-3.
How about landing two hours late and finding out you have exactly 45 minutes to make your connection at the other side of the airport (about 4 miles away), running at top speed, getting that iron taste of adrenaline in your mouth and feeling your throat start to close up on you? Find out the flight is good to go and you're not too late but the seat the assign you is next to a couple of old Turks who smell like cat urine on an old sweater and baklava? Coughing for the next 4 hours because you are oh so out of shape you fat ass? 1-and-4.
And to seal the deal - no upgrade on the return flight because the waitlist is closed and so what if you flew 200K+ miles this year and are Platinum? Fuck me. 1-and-5.

OK, this has been long enough. Let's tally it up:

First Quarter Score - Kaja:5 - Travel:13

Heading out to some authentic Turkish dinner. To Be Continued....

Leaving on a jet plane

I knwo when I will be back though. Next fucking weekend. That's when. DOes anyone remember where I am supposed to be next weekend? Fawk Fawk Fawk Fawkety Fawk! Unless I find a way to get down under from Eurpoe in time I am fawked. Working on a back-up plan and will let everyone know if it pans out.

Didn't play the Big Game last night although I was very close to just buying in and doing it. Congrats to points-hound Jecii who took it down and Congrats to TripJax for getting so close. The two outers will fuck with your mind bro. There was nothing you could have done differently. 2K for that buy-in is a nice little ROI in my book. And I know you will make the TOC anyway.

Since I am at the airport right now (business lounge thank you very much) I will not play the MATH. I will probably also miss the Mookie because I am not sure I will be awake at 4 freaking AM when it starts. But who knows. I am we todd did and might be up at that time anyway.

And I have been playing some more of those redonkulous SNGs and breaking even because as I just said I am we todd did. I mean, when you're on the bubble and in the BB with KJ and the button chip leader min raises and you call and a Jack high flop comes How often will the fucker hold exactly the JackAce Asian Jew? Once is enough.

Anyway, good luck to everyone playing the MATH and anything else.

To: All Tetris Nerds

Yes, that means you! If you're reading this crap you know that deep inside you've had those dreams where multi-colored blocks keep falling down and you scramble to figure out how to rotate them into their right spaces.

Enjoy:

KajaWife in Vegas

KajaWife had to go with some girlfriends to Vegas for some divorce party or something and luckboxed herself into quad Aces on a let-it-ride table for a nice score. Flush with cash the girls decided to head over to the Venetian for their nightly poker tournament. None of them have any clue how to play but the buy-in was peanuts after the quad Aces bonus so they all decided to play.

She sends me the following text:
I have pkt AA and 5 ppl in front of me called, what should I do?

Before I could reply she sends me this:
too late I just called 2

I send her a text and say: RAISE RAISE RAISE!

She sends another says:
Q on the flop some guy bets. what now?

I resend my text.

She writes back:
I just called again, he must have a hand he bet on the turn J.

I resend my text!

She writes back:
he bet all his chips before the last card was even dealt! I think I have to fold.

2 minutes later:
I called and won! He only had AQ!!!

Guess who she busted?

Finally Found It!!!

This is the answer to all my prayers:

I can't "NOT" recommend this "Blog"

Whenever I come across a funny corner of the webernet I have to share.

"Enjoy":

The "blog" of "unnecessary" quotation marks

Online Poker Experts

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There's a short section on Poker Books that goes away from the mainstream and finds titles such as Larry Phillips' "Zen and the Art of Poker". Interesting list to say the least.

The main focus of the reviews is on poker sites that are not currently accessible to US players, but if you dig deep you will find some nuggets that aren't Party or Empire. There is also a massive list of online casinos and reviews about them. When you head through those links you will find a long list of strategies on how to play casino games such as BlackJack, Baccarat, Pai-Gow and Craps. This is valuable information whether you are going to play online or live in your local casino or in Vegas.

Done

I was going to start grinding $10 SNG to build my roll but I am done. I am not playing again until I calm down. I can't keep playing with these retards who keep CALLING with 3 or 2 outers and get there. These were called:




Or the infamous club flush ALWAYS getting there:




Or just brutal bubble rape:



So enough is enough. I'm taking a break. I will try to play the BBT2 but at this point with KajaWife not really digging the hours of online poker, I doubt I get to play too many of them and keep a happy home.

Good LUCK to everyone out there. See you later!

Bodonk-a-donk

I really wanted to play this tourney yesterday. But instead I got an earful from KajaWife about how I always play that stupid poker and don't pay enough attention to her. So I left my computer to go pay her some attention. I busted 9/17. So I still made the final table. But I don't think I get my buy-in back. No biggie.

I also left the Bad Beat on Cancer tournament without playing a single hand. Then when I came back to turn off the computer I jammed with nothing and was out. I almost named this post "Play Like the Pros" because the three pros who hosted this event played like the complete donkeys that you see on the site:



I think that's a shame. You promote the tournament, you get people to come play and make a donation, you kinda sorta give the promise of playing the tournament, you actually set bounties on yourself and then you go out Gigli, Gigli+1 and Gigli+3. not sure what to make of this but for now I think it stinks. Badly.

UPDATE: Michael Craig posted about the bustout hands of all three "pros". So one misclicked and bet 2220 instead of 220 (how about actually fixing the software so these misclicks don't happen every 3 hands?), one ran QQ into KK on the first hand (how about fixing that RNG to stop dealing all those coolers on the first hand of a tournament?) and Mike overplayed KK against a flopped two pair for his entire deep stack (which he says he would not have done at the WSOP, but online, anything goes?). I still think these are weak weak weak excuses. Weak!

And speaking of fun 3-outers, I tried to play the Tier2 Token Frenzy and got kicked in the junk early by an FTPdiot:



Fun times.

Won some lost some

After bubbling the super sat to FTOPS#8 yesterday I decided to try again. This time the $10 rebuy. I suffered a brutal suckout after flopping the nut straight:



I met Bayne at the final table and warned him that CUMYNUTS is insane. I finally got the better of him to double up, but then he took Bayne out with a dominated river suckout:



But guess what happened? I won:



The $150 sat was brutal and I got knocked out early making some bad plays.

I did win a sat to the 50/50 and managed to get close to the money. But I can't go deep when I keep losing to these 2 and 3 outers. This kind of thing has been happening all day long:



No poker for me tonight. I am helping KajaWife with some fundraiser prep work and then building a cabinet for the office in the basement. Sounds like fun. Better hit my thimb with a nail than get beat by a 2-outer.

I also managed to win the token frenzy so I now have a few tokens in preparation for the BBT2. Not sure how many events I will be able to play, but it's high time I win once against the bloggerati. I've been close before and will need to make some adjustments. But I just know I am getting better.

BBT2: How I get to go to Australia twice?

Head over to Al's to see all the details. I have a roll and some tokens and I am taking this thing down!

Blah!

I played in the WBCOOP like a tight nit for over an hour. Eventually had to make some sort of move. Got 33 in MP and raised an EP limper. Got re-raised by LAG to my left. EP limper calls and so do I. Flop is low with two spades. EP checks, I jam for about size of pot, LP thinks..... and folds. EP thinks...... and calls with JJ and I am gone. If I have JJ in that spot I don't call. No way he can't put me on a made set or even an overpair to his Jacks. He's been at my table and saw me play no hands. Oh well. SHould have just played the hammer:



That sent me on some nasty tilt where I blew through a bunch of tourneys playing like a fool. I did cash in the $100K though. Big whoop!

Played a rebuy super sat to FTOPS#8 and bubbled while LJ went on to win a seat by being a complete card rack and ruckbox. Good luck in the sat Daisy:



UPDATE: Watching LJ play the sat and sitting to the right of Jon Turner (AKA PearlJammer) who is 9th in the PocketFive rankings. Just for fun go see how he's been doing lately. What's that? He's won about 5 tourneys in the past month? Sheesh!

UPDATE 2: LJ Just busted him with 22 vs A8 and the ducks hold! Woooot! He's in red so I guess she wins back her buy-in and gets a T-Shirt. Double Woooot!

Also played the Bloggerment. Managed to get some chips with this hand:




Thanks to Fuel55 for doing the $PS to $FTP trade I can now keep playing the worst river suckage site I know.

FILO?

I did my best to be the first one to register for the WBCOOP so that I could claim that I was First In Last Out, but some other degenerates where waiting to register. I think I got in 15th. Among the other fools I saw in the first 500+ were:

Fuel55
Surlexus
on_thg
oossuuu754
Rake_Feeder
S.t.B.
mookie99
Meanhappyguy
mclarich
L0K1
DrPauly
AlCantHang
Alceste
GCox25
jamyhawk

No time for links. Sure I skipped a few. This is going to be fun. It's the Sunday Million structure with 10K chips and 15 minute blinds.

Good Luck to everyone playing. Especially me :-)

That was a short break

I had to get up at 4am and support my boss who was at a client meeting in Europe. Call ended around 5am and there was no way I was going back to sleep. So I fire up FTP and look around for something to play. I don't have a lot of time because I have to shower and get KajaKid to school. I find my new favorite form of poker, the Limit Omaha H/L MTT.

For all you Omaholics out there, if you have any pointers for a true beginner, let me know.

I've been reading the FTP Strategy Guide and as Hoy (I think it was Hoy) says, the only real thing I've learned from is Mike Matusow's excellent section on Limit Oklahoma Split. What have I learned:

1) No use raising in the first few levels no matter what kind of hand you're holding. Since a lot of player will limp anyway, you are not going to get anyone to fold to a raise.
2) After you get through the first few levels play in position or don't play at all.
3) In later levels, make sure to always try to play both sides of the pot.
4) A2 by itself is not as strong as you think. Try to get another wheel card in there.
5) Try to play double suited hands.
6) Learn to read your opponents and estimate whether the flop is coming high or low. Also learn how to put them on a hand.
7) Be patient.
8) know when you're beat and give up on the hand.
9) Don't attempt to bluff multiple opponents or don't bluff at all.

The last four are extremely important because that is where you make and conserve the most chips. I especially love seeing a bunch of people limp in later levels and finding a hand with lots of suited connectors in the mid-high range. Something like QJ98 double suited is going to hit very strong on a high flop. If everyone is limping with A2 or low cards that means that a lot of low cards are already out there and the deck is rich with high cards.

Anyway, the book is worth the price if for this chapter alone.

If anyone has any comment up until this point I would love to hear them.

So let's get back to the game shall we (and since only BrainMc commented that he likes the current format of lots of screenshots, I will keep doing these posts until i hear otherwise)?

I won or split 5 of the first 9 hands. Pretty much every hand I played. Here is the first hand where I limp in the SB and flop the nut straight. From here on I play it hard because of the flush draws, get a bunch of callers and a re-raise and build a huge pot that I end up taking 3/4 of:


Here's the advantage of playing all those connectors. We capped the pot on the turn and river where I knew I had the nut high and shawcards knew he had the nut low, But we got two more players to go along for the ride and so we made a lot of chips:


This next one is a bit marginal, but I have those suited connectors again and the other players let me make my straight on the river to scoop the entire pot:


Very next hand I play another hand for a chop but since we have dead money in the pot I make another profit:


This next one was just a beauty and my opponent was calling it all the way down to try to hit a boat. By the time he was toast on the river the pot was so big he had to call an extra bet:


So after these first few hands I am already the tournament leader. I kept doing what i was doing up until now and was able to keep taking some pots. Then I played my first really big pot. Once again we got a bunch of limpers so I figured the flop is coming high and wanted to see what develops. No need to start raising here because pocket Kings are always going to be vulnerable but I also had connectors and a club flush draw to boot and I got my miracle flop:


Then everything went blurry and I was left with one guy who played with me to the river:


Poor guy flopped a set and turned the nut low draw but bricked the river. Still paid me off at the end:


That's the real danger in Omaha when you hit a strong flop and good draw. You are going to pay a lot of bets to hit and if you miss, pot odds will dictate that you call with your strong hand anyway.

You have to always try to remember that you are playing against a potential of 6 hands per player. If you have 2 players in the pot with you, you are now playing against 12 hands. 3 players means you are up against 18 hands. How good is your hand? Can you beat 18 opponents? Very tough unless you have the absolute nuts. Even in that last hand there were two better hands that could still beat me: 77, AA. Since everyone limped and we saw the flop 4 handed there were a possible 24 hand combinations out there. You see where I'm going with this?

Here's another great example of a hand I really should not have played and got me into a lot of trouble. A pair of Jacks is pretty much useless and a third nut flush is going to get beat a lot of the times. This was one of the first times my opponent played a good starting hand and scooped the whole pot:


Now that the blinds were starting to get higher I was not going to limp Aces. Can you try to guess what my opponent played? Also notice this river gave me the absolute nuts and I still got him to call my river bet:


He called my raise with a hand that could only get him in trouble. He flopped a weak flush draw and a useless middle pair. then the turn gave him an OESD and eventually ended up with two pair on the river. Two pair in Omaha is pretty much a worthless hand:


Here's another example of hand you need to throw away and not chase down to the river to get scooped:


I eventually took out a couple more players with the following hand. I flopped middle set against two shorties who were going to go broke here no matter what. When the turn completed the flush I figured I will chop this pot and take the low only:


But I was wrong and I was actually scooped to go back into the chip lead:


OK, enough of this. I made the final table when I busted another shortie:


I was constantly raising her blind and not giving her a lot of room to breath but that's just how you have to play at this point. I flopped the nut low and a wheel and she was gone to burst the bubble. What happened next was the result of little sleep and too much adrenaline:


Dealer: Hand #3831053585
Dealer: Kajagugu shows [5d Ah 7h Jc]
Dealer: Leafs Girl shows [Js Th Qc As]
Dealer: Kajagugu shows a straight, Five high, for high
Dealer: Kajagugu shows 5,4,3,2,A, for low
Dealer: Leafs Girl shows a pair of Jacks, for high
Dealer: Kajagugu wins the high pot (2,824) with a straight, Five
high
Dealer: Kajagugu wins the low pot (2,824) with 5,4,3,2,A
Dealer: Hand #3831055350
Leafs Girl (Observer): ahole
Dealer: STRETCHY MONKEY has 15 seconds left to act
Kajagugu: huh?
Dealer: Hand #3831056448
Kajagugu: i was going to say gg
Kajagugu: but go f yourself biatch
Kajagugu: instead

I came to the final table as the chip leader and was able to take out some of the players. We were eventually down to the last three players and It was getting late. I guess I could have played a little slower but I couldn't afford to be late. I got rivered a bunch of times to give my opponent half of a pot that was going to be all mine and eventually busted in 3rd place out of the starting 45.

Not too bad for my first Omaha cash, I guess. I really need to figure out the end game a little better. I was just raising mercilessly at one point and taking down a lot of uncontested pots. The damn tourney lasted more than 3 hours!

Anyway, I would appreciate comments. You know who you are.....

Folding Aces? Pre-Flop? Really?

I'm not sure where I saw this question originally (I think it was a winner profile from the Mookie) but the question was something like: When would you fold Aces pre-flop?

Plan3t Gong has an interesting write-up about this exact same question. For those of you who don't read it, that blog has some excellent strategy posts.

The land of 2 and 3 outers

It's kind of like the twilight zone. I am not sure what the hell is going on. One thing I am certain of is that some serious tilt has set in and I need a break. KajaWife has also mentioned that the nightly poker routine is getting a little old. And I have had about 3 hours of sleep the last few days so I think fatigue might be an issue as well.

So let's recap last night's fun. Played the Mookie and Dookie and started off well but then the wheels fell of and I managed to donk it up real nice. Gave the guys over at BuddyDank's radio station a fun time with my donktastic bustout hand:



I thought kaelinn was taking advantage of my shortish stack and trying to steal, so I went for the resteal and ran into the bitches. I got my 3-outer on the turn, but then got suffered a 2-outer on the river. Yay me.

All this was a little after I double kaelinn when I couldn't let go of my Kings on an Ace high flop. What can I say I am a retarded donkey. I admit. Say it with me - 3-outer:



I think most of the issue last night was that I played the damned daily doubles and the Mookie without the aid of my trusty PokerTracker and PAHUD. There is just no way to multi-table without that data. I had to use the awful tourney-time feature to see how my table mates were playing and it was just too annoying.

I made some great reads and plays in the DD but more 3-outers came by to knock me down and out:



But I think a big portion of the tilt came from my bustout hand in the FTOPS#1 rebuy satellite that both Hoy and Surflexus (speaking of tilt, Surf played the Dookie and bet and raised every street of every hand until his eventual demise - not sure what was going on there) have won in the past few days:



This idiot called off almost his entire stack after he bet out on the turn and I re-raised all-in. He thought for a few second and called with ducks. He had 2 outs while I had and overpair and 8 more outs to make a straight in case I was wrong with my read. What could I base my read on? How about his 6+ rebuys until this points? How about these hands:






I wasn't in the last hand, but in all the others this guy played any two and either moved all in or called and all-in. Stupid donating fucktard.

After he caught his 2-outer to knock me out he said he was hoping to get lucky. I disagreed and told him that he is a complete retard and should quickly go take his medication. He told me I was a shithead. So I really went off on him. Including saying that since he's a grandpa that means there are at least three generation of inbred retards in the world thanks to him. Fucking idiot.

I am going to make it my mission to satellite into one of these FTOPS events. But first I need a little break.

I should just change the name of this blog...

... to "Almost Poker". Not only because I seem to be almost there to make my big score, but perhaps as many as you might think what I do is almost like playing poker. Whatever haters!

First off congrats to Carmen for becoming the PokerWeblogs Blog of the Month! Woot!



Now seriously, I am about to go into a massive MTT dump below and I wanted to know if any of you find this the least bit entertaining or educational. Please leave me a comment if I should just cut it out or not. M'kay?

So last night was a pretty good one overall I have to admit. I cashed in a bunch of tourneys, once again making the money in the Midnight Madness as well as an FTOPS#1 sat. I also cashed in the Bodog 4K guarantee and won an FTP token. So all-in-all not so bad. No big scores to report about. Getting desensitized to the bad beats and just going about my business.

The evening started with the Bodonkey which was set up wrong with 60 minute levels and a break every ten minutes. That could be a great structure if you had a lot of time on your hands and suffered from TBS (tiny bladder syndrome). Bodog stopped the tourney and reset it and we were off again. I managed to play a decent game and eventually got it all-in after NewinNov raised to my right and I jammed AQ. He though and though and then made the call with TT. Flopped an Ace and rivered a Ten to send me packing. Boo! I really wanted one of those T$109 packages to the $100K. There's always next week, I guess.

While all this was going on I also played the $4K guarantee which had over 500 runners this time and no overlay. 54 spot paid and I ended in 42 place after some beat and an eventual bad timed push. Here is an example of how bad some of these guys are. Guy to my right raises 3x pre-flop as he has been doing a lot and I pop him to 9x. He smooth calls. He checks the flop like he usually does and then when I bet the pot he moves all-in. Obviously he gets his miracle 2-outer (his queens are dead), but even more miraculously I get my own 2-outer (now my queens are dead) on the river to take him out. Sick hand got the whole table going crazy:



I played a $10 6-max MTT and was the chip leader before the first orbit was over due to some serious aggressiveness and ruckboxery (thank you CK for embedding this crap in my head):

Here I am raising the first hand and getting everyone to fold:


Here I am in the second hand calling with suited connectors and betting on the flop to get everyone to fold:


Here I am on the forth hand getting a top-pair-is-gold donk to commit all his chips on the flop to my overpair that makes a set on the turn (like I really needed it):


Here I am on the 5th hand getting another stack when I flop a set of aces and improve to a full house on the turn:


So I played and won 4 of the first 5 hands. That is insane.

As I have said previously, I have no idea what the right strategy is for 6-max (I wish Hoy would do a quick refresher or something). I just know that since you get hit with the blinds much faster and you are only playing against a maximum of 5 more people, you need to play a little looser and a lot more aggressive. I don't remember what happened in the end of this tourney but I didn't cash.

I started the FTOPS#1 sat in much the same way winning 7 of the first 11 hands and taking two stacks in the process. The best one was the 9th hand where I flopped a set of 3s and bet the flop (because I'm a man) and there were two clubs out there and someone moved in on me with nothing:



Well played THE SOLID ROCK. That was obviously not what I was expecting but thanks for all the chips.

So now I decided to slow down since I had over 3 times the starting stack and we were still in the first level. Not sure why I slowed down but i missed a ton of hands that would have sent me into hyper-space:

This first one is where I folded to a raise and re-raise. It was a good fold at the time but heartbreak followed:


This one was even more painful and is a great example why not to slow play. I raised UTG and got called twice. When the flop came I had to check-fold, but had these two slow played their set of aces, I would have taken them both out. So sick:


One of the things that I seem to be doing lately is playing against short stacks and getting to a point where I have to call. This time I did it on the turn when i was drawing dead:


I took out a big stack with a one-two punch when he did the old min-raise with aces in the CO. I had nice suited connectors on the button, smooth called and flopped a set of 7s. When he check-raised my flop bet I got a big chunk of his stack:


Then on the very next hand he shoved A9s into my AJ:


On the way to the final table I doubled up two shorties who were all-in pre-flop and I called:



Right before that last suckout I slow played my flopped two pair that turned into a boat on the river. I was praying that he had at least one diamond but I guess I value bet too much and he folded. Hey at least he didn't have A2d or 67d:


It took forever to burst the FT bubble. With decent stacks nobody was in a hurry to bust, so I stole and stole and stole and stole and when we eventually got the FT I was the chip leader. Then I stole some more at the FT because we were on the money bubble. I double up a shortie (again) when I tried to slow-play flopped two pair in a blinds battle. I check-called the flop and check-raised the river. She moved-all-in and I had to call. She had a better two pair that became a boat on the river. Fun times:



I chipped back up a bit and then on the next blind battle with shadylady13 I raised with A6o in the SB, she shoved from the BB to put me all-in (with 33 she showed later) and I laid it down. Two hands later I raised in the CO with J9o and she flap called. The flop was gave me 10 outs twice so I moved all-in and she thought long and hard. She had enough chips to call, said it was a donkey call but she was getting the right odds and flipped over KQs to take me out when non of my outs arrived:


She took out the next guy when she flopped a boat on his ass one orbit later:


This was very disappointing. Again. But at least I cashed and got close. I wish they had more satellites.

Ok, that's it for now. I might or might not play the Mookie tonight. See ya!