Tainted Deck

see more Fail Blog

Crushing SNGs

I have slowly been getting my feet wet again with online poker. Once in a while I will fire up a $5 SNG and play with the donks who don't realize who they're up against. I started with 10 buy-ins and have more than doubled it so far. So now I'm thinking I should go to $10 SNGs. Here's a glimpse of what I have been up to:



Out of these 67 games I have been ITM 41.79% with 9 firsts, 12 seconds and 7 thirds. I think that's not too shabby. I will have some awesome hand histories to share in a later post. I know you all can't wait!

Top USA Online Casinos

I saw 'The Hangover' a couple of weeks ago and thought it was awesome. Also, reminded me of my own bachelor party in Vegas however many years ago. Replace the tiger from the movie with a badger and you're starting to get close to how things went down. Oh, how I miss Vegas.

Anyway, it got me thinking about how the UIGEA is messing up our civil liberties and treating us like terarded kids who can't control themselves.

Well, here's a site that lists out us online casinos you can play at. It's a review site listing top USA player accepted casinos with links and bonuses. They also have US American accepted poker sites but only list Rushmore and Bodog. We all know Bodog is great.

The top rated casino is Golden Casino which I believe I still have some money on. There are several online casinos where you can set up auto-play on blackjack and tell the system what your rules are. I used to love those because they make it so easy to clear bonuses. You just take your free money when you sign up, head to the blackjack tables and set up your rules. Then you tell it to play however many hands you need and when you come back you have either cleared the bonus or gone broke. Usually they will let you clear the bonus easily so you can stick around and gambool it all away. Just find a good system and make some moola.

Play safe, kids!

Let me save you a couple of hours or Kaja's Matusow book review

Yeah, you read that post title right suckahs, I can read! I know most of my readers think I am some sort of terard who can't form sentences let alone read them, but once again, you were wrong, and I was holding the nuts. Deez Nutz!

Anyway, you can see I am in a swell mood. Maybe because I don't get any sleep anymore. Whoever invented babies and baby sleep cycles can kiss my ass. So I decided to save everyone a couple of hours of their abysmal lives by reading the wonderful literary masterpiece about Mike "The Mouth/Meth/Ecstasy/Coke/Ritalin Addict/Bipolar/ADHD Sufferer/Donkey/Luckbox" Matusow. That pretty much sums up the book right there. I'm done.

Ok, here are some more details. You people are ruthless. And toothless (you know who you are, so stop smiling with just the left side of your mouth).

The book is a very quick read. I mean, I am a slow reader and I finished it in about two bathroom breaks. Well one break was kinda long because I ate too much sushi, but that's a story for another time. I swear, some of Hoy's posts are longer than this book. And I guess, you can tell a couple of bloggers wrote it, because it reads like a "bad-beat/luckboxing-your-way-to-a-huge-score" kind of post (I would link again to Hoy, but he only gets one link per post. Sorry, my pagerank is zero so don't be trying to get links people. Talk to Google first).

Basically, Mike was a Jewish nerd (I can relate), anti-social, trailer park livin', video poker quarter-feedin' weirdo who stumbled into the poker world and a backing deal about a decade ago. Then he parlayed that into backing Scotty Baby when he won the WSOP ME. Then he got really depressed and couldn't call a doctor to diagnose his Bipolar Disorder (all joking aside, this disease is hell and I encourage anyone who has no idea why they are suicidal one day and ecstatic the next to go see fuckin' doctor, moron!). So some of his "friends" told him to take some ecstasy, cause it will make him feel happier (no shit Sherlocks). And then some bitch told him to take some meth to get him to focus (great piece of advice there). So he fried his brain for 3 years on this crap and got ADHD. Nice move, friends!

Long story short (it might be easier and faster to just read the book at this point, but you made it this far), he got tricked by some narc, got to spend some quality time in jail and kicked his street-drug habit by replacing it with prescription meds that make him happy and focused. Hurray for modern medicine and for Mikey. He also won a bunch of money along the way by playing the worst hand at the wrong time and sucking out. That's poker, right?

I do like Mike. A lot. I think he is a genuine character and would not hurt a fly. Well, he might hurt Mr. Peanut, but then again, who wouldn't? At least Mike is not masquerading around as some giant douche like Phil Hellmuth and is not trying to make everyone love him by being Mr. "Nice Guy" Negreanu.

And Amy and Tim who wrote the book are really great writers. So all that being said, go spend your hard earned $25 and buy Mike Matusow: Check-Raising the Devilto support these folks. It's $1 less than another stupid $26 tournament on FTP, so you're a winner already! I am so excited for you, I don't know what to say! If you liked my review, just send me that $1 as an FTP transfer to Kajagugu. Who knows, I might be able to retire after this post.

Airports Suck!

Yeah, you know it. Anyone who has ever taken an operations management class, will tell you that the worst run places on the planet are airports. Just absolutely horrendous.

I dropped my parents of for an AirTran flight on Saturday. Thinking it's the weekend and they have e-tickets, I figured it should take no time at all to get them to security. But I forgot that people are idiots. Sorry.

It took about 2 minutes to check in at the kiosk (and pay $15 for a checked bag - what a racket that is) and then about 45 minutes to wait to drop off said checked bag. And why is that? Because of the humans. The humans at the drop off counter who, for some unknown reason, take for fucking ever to print out a sticker and put it on the bag. And the humans in line who are dropping off the bags.

Let's start with the idiots dropping off their bags. You're standing in the kiosk/internet bag line, right dip-shit? Then you should have checked in at the kiosk or the on the internet! Why does every single person who walks off to drop his bag have an issue? Hey AirTran, maybe you should designate half your counter space for "I have Issues" sort of passengers?

These fucking idiots are clueless! This guy has not ticket. That girl packed 120 pounds worth of mascara and eye-liner in her bright pink suitcase and is refusing to pay the overweight charge (which would apply to her ass as well). Some dude showed up with a piece of luggage so big they had to find a measuring tape to see if it would even fit on the plane. And so on and so on...

The folks at the counter should have one job and one job only. Step one, check that ID matches printed boarding pass. If it doesn't or there's no boarding pass, they should just punch the passenger in the neck and send him away. Step two, print the bag tag and stick it on. Done! Seriously, a fucking robot should be able to do this job. But of course, robots are not at the right level of face recognition. But they sure could taze the fuckers who have issues. That would be awesome!

So yeah, we waited 45 minutes and then it took us 1 more minute to send off the bag. Then it was the stupid line at security... But that's another story, because those people have made a science out of messing up anything resembling queue management. Stand in one long line, then a person tells you which other line to go to, then go back into a single only to be split up into separate lines by another person. Wow, that's so bad...

Kaja's advice - never pack more than a carry-on. If you need anything else, just buy it at your destination. I have a friend who used to fly with nothing. He would then buy everything he needed to wear and return it to the store for a refund at the end of his visit. Brilliant!