Badges? We don't need no stinkin' badges! (AKA why Foursquare is Stupid)

Since I follow all the wonderful time-suck new-tech crap pumped up by Mashable and TechCrunch I decided to finally give Foursquare a try. I've signed up and cancelled my account about 4 times so far because I just didn't see the point. But the last time, I decided to really try. And I still don't get it. And I cancelled it again - this time I don't think I'm going back.

Can someone tell me why this thing is supposed to be interesting? This whole check-in thing is just a mystery to me. Let's break it down in this week's.... Crap App Breakdown:

1. It's a game - Yes, these things can be addictive as all get out and I've fallen for Farmville and Mafia Wars too (both have been cancelled, just so you know), but at least there I got the satisfaction of clicking my mouse button a bazillion times until my fingernail threatened to leave my finger. But what's the appeal of the Foursquare game? You can check-in anywhere you want or even create new venues. I've seen so many 'Yo Momma's House' out there as well as a couple of 'So and So's anal cavity' and people check in there too. So yeah, it might be funny to check-in to someone's mother's place of residence, but that probably wears off quickly.

2. You get to be a mayor! Well, la-dee-freakin'-da for you mayor of the Starbucks right next to the QT. I became mayor of my office, my bank, my UPS store as well as a bunch of others. So what? Who cares? Wait a minute you say - if you're the mayor of F2O they will give you 50% off your next order. I guess it's worth it then. Because I just saved $3. I need to quickly get in front of a financial advisor who will help me invest this windfall that just fell into my lap.

3. You get badges. I think most of us stopped caring about badges when we graduated from the cub scouts. Seriously? Who give a crap about virtual badges. And you can lump all the other so-called "location based" companies like Gowalla, Scvngr and Badge.ly into this one. Who cares about a dumb badge on a dumb website?

4. You can get a lot of tips from other people who have been to the places you're at. This has to be the silver bullet. Has to be! Because I really needed to know that the pumpkin spice latte is the best ever. It really is. I swear. Umm... this is just another way to push ads on our feeble minds.

5. You can see which one of your hipster friends is at the same place you are! Hold the phone. You mean, my friends are at the bar I am in and they didn't tell me they were going? Who are these friends anyway? Who needs them! I'll go find new friends (go to bullet 6 please).

6. You can find out who's the complete stranger that is or was somewhere you just happen to be. I love technology. So useful.

So now seriously. Can someone explain why this is useful? I can sort of kind of (maybe not so much) understand the value of Facebook Places (hint: because everyone is on Facebook), but let's all hold our breath because Oh. My. God. Foursquare has 4.5 Million users. I am bound to meet someone I know on there, right? Wait, I can add my Facebook friends? But they don't care about Foursquare and don't use it. Wait, what? I can add all my twitter followers too? Well then that settles that!

I would love to figure out who the investors are who green-lighted this crap. I have some other great ideas that need funding. I even know the valuation.